Thursday, August 21, 2014

Its that times again! New backpacks, sneakers, and lunch boxes for my kiddos and hubby. The smell of freshly sharpened pencils fill the air with a touch of brand new crayons. Tanned faces from summer memories glow with excitement for the school year. Bright, yet-to-be-stained clothes that have been hanging for weeks in the closet now get to be worn with enthusiasm. And a mama feeling left out. Yep....its back to school!
I love that my kids head back to school with such great attitudes, but it doesn't erase that I'm left feeling sad about it. My husband is a teacher and we have 5 kids in school. I've still got 2 kids at home, but its just not the same. Through the years it has felt as though they get to embark on another new adventure and I'm left waiting for everyone to come home.
Since we have moved, I haven't found a job for me and I felt completely led to provide in-home childcare, but I don't have any children. I'm feeling a bit lost. I just don't know what my path is right now. It's a struggle. And I find it very easy to listen to the rotten voice in my head telling me that I don't have any good skills or I would have a job. Realistically I know I have the most important job for me, being a mom....but the pay doesn't help with the bills sitting next to the microwave.
I have spent many hours trying to find an online program that fits me so that I can finish my teaching degree. But I'm not having a lot of luck with that at this time. I think my biggest struggle may be feeling confident in what path I am suppose to take right now. I feel like there is so much going on in my brain, that sometimes the junk is louder than God's voice. WOW! That's a great reminder that I probably need to ask His help in quieting the noise and focus my heart on where He is leading. I know He is with me and He wants me to trust His lead....I just don't always trust my ability to know when He is leading.


Post a Comment