Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Since we are in a new town, every time we are at the park, my kids meet new kids. Its really interesting to watch. They just jump right into the fun of playing on all the equipment and before I know it, there is some kind of game and lots of giggles with other kids. They make new friends every night we are there it seems. Its as if they assume every kid they meet wants to be their friend and ends up doing just that. What an amazing example for us adults!! My son has football practice at the park 4 nights a week, so I'm finding myself there a lot. Last night my 1yo, Greison, decided to make a friend of his own. There was this dad sitting in the grass about 10ft from my lawn chair. He was watching his son practice too. Greison made his way over to him, smiled at him and plopped down in the grass right next to him. He babbled at him and eventually was climbing all over him. I felt bad and lured Grei back over to me, but he kept making his way over to his new friend and playing.
I'm a pretty social person. I love our new town, but my heart aches for my friends and the convenience of just dropping by their houses. So, I have been more of a hermit than normal since we moved. Each evening at my son's practice I am surrounded by other parents. They are interacting with each other, smiling, and on occasion I may join the conversation. Often I purposefully sit my chair away from where most of the parents are sitting. I isolate myself. I watch my children go full force each evening into making new friends and I sit quietly away from everyone else and try to not be noticed.
When I was little my parents often took me to the park. Most times I didn't know any of the kids there, but by the time it was time to go home, I had lots of friends there. What happened to that little girl that had best friends everywhere she went and this mom purposefully putting herself in the corner of crowded rooms? One word...insecurities.
Those insecurities often come from our own little brains. They don't come from people outwardly saying mean things to you (although I know that sometimes this happens). Most of the time those mean things come from the ugliness we tell ourselves.....and it can sometimes be an all day event of verbally beating yourself up.

                           "Ugh, you should have gotten this and this and this done today."
                           "How have you let yourself go so much?"
                           "Your poor husband has you instead of the cutie he married."
                           "You are not smart enough."
                           "You're not pretty enough."
                           "Your wardrobe screams frumpy."
                           "Why is your house always a mess?"
                           "Those people don't want to talk to you."
                           "People are only nice to you cause they feel bad for you."
                           "Who does she think she is making small talk with us?"
                           "Can't you do something with that hair? Its embarrassing to your family."
Would you want your daughter to hear these things about herself? Would you let it slide that someone talked to her with these kinds of statements? I'm sure not! You might not be saying these exact words, but I bet you have something that you put yourself down about. I've heard these statements come from other women about themselves. You "hear" it in your mind all the time. Insecurities are powerful, when we allow them to be fed.
I just assume (which we are all aware what that word really means :) ) That people have enough friends or stuff on their minds, that they don't need or want some new mom bothering them at practice. But yet, if someone new were to join the team from where we moved, I found it so much fun to welcome them on the team and spend time getting to know them. Why do I act like other adults aren't like that? Because of my own insecurities. Its hard to feel good about yourself when there is this voice telling you how awful you are. I recognize that the voice is not my own....its satan. Man that guy is tricky!!! He doesn't want us to be confident and feel good about ourselves, we might be even more productive for Christ if we are confident!
I'm working on my insecurities of talking to new people. I need to remind myself that my God is bigger than satan's lies. And you need to do the same! Don't listen to the lies of insecurities. God is truth and light and you are His child! That is some pretty powerful stuff!!!! He wants us to fellowship with others and He loves and accepts us and calls us to do the same for others.....and for ourselves.
So tonight at practice, I'm gonna try to be like my kids. I'm gonna just trust that others around me want to talk with me and who knows....I might even end up making some new friends!


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